Cookies, Shopping, and Icha Icha
by inkspot823
Summary: Deidara and Kakuzu are on a mission to scope out Konoha for Naruto, and poor Izumo is forced into being their tour guild! Mild swearing


AN: Heh. Beware. There is much out of character-ness in this. And for the record, I love Deidara, and I know he's not girly, but I couldn't think of another way to write this if he wasn't. It's also another challenge with my Sister.

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Pein stared at Kakuzu and Deidara with an authoritative glare. He was hidden in shadows and making the air feel slightly tense by drawing out the silence.

"Don't screw this up." He ground out flatly.

"Oh please, un. This is almost too easy." Deidara said lazily.

"Don't count your money before it's in your hand." Kakuzu said with a glare. "Now let's go."

Izumo was sitting at Ichiraku's Ramen shop, sipping on a bowl of noodles absently. He was bored of his mind. As he noisily slurped up another noodle, Kakashi came over and sat next to him.

"One to go please!" He called, his nose in his book.

"Hey! Kakashi, what are you doing here?"

Kakashi put his book down and look at Izumo. "Getting food. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Ok, bad question. How about, what are you doing in general?"

"Not much." Kakashi said, putting his book down on the counter. "I was going to go home and eat after a long day of training. Why?"

"No reason. I was just bored." Izumo shrugged.

"Ok then. I guess I'll see you later." Kakashi said, excepting his food from Ichiraku's daughter and disappearing.

Izumo sighed. Now what was he going to do? He turned his head to look down the street and the bright orange book on the counter caught his attention. "Oh hey! Kakashi left his book here. I better go return it to him." Izumo stood and paid before walking away. Examining the cover, his curiosity got the better of him, and he opened the book.

"Oh my." He said blushing at the picture. He quickly flipped to the front of the book and started reading to himself.

Deidara and Kakuzu were hiding in the forest surrounding Konoha's main gate.

"Let's go over this one more time, shall we?" Kakuzu said smoothly.

Deidara rolled his eyes but nodded. "Sure, why not un? I can't remember it from the other one thousand times we've gone over it."

"Careful Deidara. I'm more likely to kill you than an enemy ninja."

He snorted, but said nothing.

"Alright then. Leader wants us to infiltrate Konoha and figure out where the fox demon kid is hiding."

"Yes I know. Continue, un."

"We need disguises to do that, so we need to blend in and make some friends."

"Also already known, un. Anything new to add?"

"Yeah. Don't screw up and don't piss me off." Kakuzu glared, speeding through hand signs already, to perform his transformation jutsu.

Deidara sighed and transformed too. Soon, standing in there place was a young man who looked like Kakuzu without all the stitching and creepy eyes, and a young lady who looked like Deidara. There was surprisingly little difference other then the swell of the chest.

"I though I told you not to be a woman, Deidara."

"Just because you're jealous of how sexy I am, doesn't mean you have to get mad at my transformation, un." Deidara said, assuming a normal woman pose almost naturally.

Kakuzu glared, but let it go. "Fine then. Let's just go. Don't complain about this later."

Deidara snorted, but followed him as they walked up to the gates.

Izumo was sucked into the book. He was pretty far into it too.

"No! No Kurumi, don't do it! Can't you see that jerk Daisuke is using you?" He whispered to himself in worry.

He rounded the corner and ran into somebody. Stumbling backwards, he quickly pulled his nose out of the book and looked down at the person he had just run into.

"Ino? No… I'm sorry, but I've never seen you around here before." He offered her a hand to get back to her feet.

She accepted it gracefully. "Actually, I just got here; my brother and I aren't from around here, un." She smiled, her eyes glimmering. "And you are forgiven."

Izumo smiled nervously. She was a little unnerving to be around. Her brother (he assumed) walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on Deidra, let's go. And you know you shouldn't get attached to ninja. They often leave early." He glared, and Izumo suppressed a shudder.

"You're no fun Zuzu-chan." She pouted, looking Izumo over. "Hey! Is that the first Icha Icha, un?" She asked excitedly.

"Uh… yeah?"

"Oh, I love that book, un! The story is great! Kurumi finding that the man she loves is actually a sleaze and that the man who's really loved her along has always been there for her." She sighed contentedly. "Great story line, un."

"Yeah, because you really read that book for the story." Zuzu said.

She blushed. "Zuzu! Don't be obscene!"

"Right. Whatever you say. I just want to see Naruto and we can go home." He growled.

"You're looking for Naruto?" Izumo asked curiously.

He nodded. "Yeah, we come from the Land of Waves. When the bridge was named after him after Gato left, he became something of a legend. Anyways, we just wanted to see him."

Izumo raised an eye brow. "Umm… Ok. Understandable…."

"Hey! Maybe you can show us around, un!" Deidra said.

"I guess I could." He said blushing, slightly alarmed.

"Great! Lead the way!" Deidra said triumphantly.

Kakuzu and Deidara had retired to there hotel room for the night. Kakuzu glared at him in his womanly form.

"You are such a pest."

Deidara snickered. "Did you see how overwhelmed he was by my womanly charm? I was priceless, un."

"Yeah. I also saw him run from you when you call that woman, what's-her-name, Anko, 'that bitch in the fishnet.' Didn't seem real pleased with you about that."

"Bitch. I should have shoved a clay-bomb down her throat, un."

"Don't blow our cover over something as trivial as that, dobi."

"Don't call me that, un!" He stopped and though about it, suddenly snickering. "Hey! You ever notice how dobi, sounds like Tobi?" He laughed. "Makes sense to me."

"Oh shut up." Kakuzu glared. And he thought Hidan was intolerable.

The next day, Izumo was forced to show 'Deidra' and 'Zuzu' around again. Deidra disappeared into the book shop while Zuzu disappeared into a butchers shop, complaining about something. This gave Izumo and few moments to himself and he disappeared into the cookie shop. He really needed one.

The bell jingle merrily as he opened the door, and he lady behind the counter smiled at him. She wasn't exactly the most beautiful specimen of the female species in his opinion, but she wasn't bad, so he smiled back kindly.

"What can I do you for today?" She asked a little airily.

"Pardon?" he asked confused.

"Oh, I mean, what can I do for you today?" She blushed.

"A box of cookies, please."

"What size box?"

"The biggest you have."

"You want a discount?" She asked with a smile.

"Sure. What's the catch?" He asked.

She beckoned him around the counter. "Come with me."

Later, Deidra and Zuzu were waiting for Izumo to show up. Deidra tapped his foot impatiently, and crossed his arms, noting happily that if he put them under his new assets, he kept his arms nice and warm _and _got to feel squishy female skin. But that didn't really take away from the fact that he was mad at Izumo for disappearing.

"Where is he, un? He's supposed to be showing us around."

Zuzu was holding the meat he had managed to get from butcher under his arm as he leaned moodily against the wall. "If I knew, I wouldn't be standing here, now would I?" He remarked sarcastically.

Deidra turned to glared at him before scanning the crowd again. Izumo was strolling towards them, a cookie in his mouth and smiling happily.

"Sorry about that. Getting cookies took longer than I thought it would."

"Where have you been?!" Deidra asked hysterically.

Izumo examined her thoughtfully. Her clothes were torn, and her arms were bruised. "Did you piss off Anko again?" He asked.

She blushed. "Bitch had it coming…" She mumbled angrily.

"Where were you?" Zuzu asked.

"Getting cookies. I got them for free for doing the lady behind the counter a favor."

"What did she make you do?"

"Well, she had me…" He leaned over and whispered it in their ears.

Deidra stood straight up and backed into the window behind him...er… her. His/her eyes widened in horror.

"You did what, with whom, for HOW many cookies?!" She asked hysterically.

"I picked her up to reach something on the very top shelf, her being the lady behind the counter at the cookie shop, and there are 32 cookies for **ME**." He said, hugging the box to him protectively.

Zuzu rolled his eyes at the two of them.

"Actually, I had a question for you, Izumo." He said steadily.

"Hmm? What is it, Zuzu-san?"

Kakuzu flinched inwardly. He hated that name. He would kill Deidara for it later, but right now it didn't matter. "When are we going to see Naruto? We came all this way just to talk to him."

Izumo smiled. "I'm sure he'd be flattered to hear that, but the thing is, he's not here."

"WHAT?!" Deidra shouted, beating Zuzu to it.

"Yeah, so I thought I'd show you around instead so the time wasn't wasted. Anyways, he's currently traveling across the land training."

"Maybe we can track him down." Zuzu said, walking away.

"You're just going to leave?" Izumo asked confused.

"Yep! We have a mission!" Deidra said with a smile. "Thanks for everything though!" She glomped him and kissed his cheek taking off after Zuzu quickly.

Izumo was left standing there dumbstruck for a moment. Suddenly, deciding he should go home, he popped another cookie in his mouth and pulled out Kakashi's book to keep reading it.

"Ooh! Kurumi is going to choose between the two of them now! Go with Koshi, Kurumi! Daisuke is a jerk…" He mumbled.

"Is that my book?!" Kakashi called from somewhere in the crowd.

"Hooboy…" Izumo flinched. "Umm… No… Want a cookie?"

When they were outside the village, Kakuzu and Deidara changed back to normal, and Deidara starting wiping at his tongue in disgust.

"Ew ew ew ew!!! I kissed a guy! I kissed a guy!! Gross!!"

"Baka. Why did you do it if you thought it would be gross?"

"I was acting girly, un. Next time, don't let me be a girl!"

Kakuzu growled. "I was trying not to let you be one this time, but you don't listen!!"

Deidara wasn't listening. Again. "So what do we tell leader?"

"Definitely not that we spent two days sight seeing in Konoha, that's for sure." Kakuzu sighed. "We'll just tell him that we found information on the fox brat. Nothing more, understand?"

Deidara held up a bag from a store he had been to. "Do you think Leader with like the Black with the red clouds, or the crimson with the stormy grey clouds?"

"You are such an idiot…" Kakuzu sighed, running a hand over his face. He was requesting a new partner when they got back. Chances are Deidara wouldn't live much longer.


End file.
